For the last three years I have had the one professional aim, to become a midwifery tutor. I began my post graduate qualifications with this goal in mind.
I was unsuccessful in achieving this goal in New Zealand and indeed it soon became apparent that 'my face didn't fit' and I wasn't 'one of the girls' and my career was dying a death.
As my feet touched the soil here in Australia I was asked by Griffith University to write some of the online material for their student midwives. This was an opportunity which came to me via Sarah Stewart, my great friend, best supporter and fantastic mentor.
This has been a great challenge for me, around organizing my writing, deciding objectives, learning outcomes and sourcing learning material. All this was occurring as we were settling into a new country, finding a new home, having financial worries and moving house once again once we had purchased our new house.
I do realize that I am not a good academic writer but I am hoping to overcome this with the phcred program I have gained at Melbourne university. This is a program that takes you through a research program of your own supporting you with study days and support through the ethics process and gives you the title of honorary research fellow.
Yet back to my crisis, over the last couple of weeks I have begun to re evaluate whether I am actually good enough to be a midwifery tutor. I have the clinical experience, I love educating student midwives, I love passing on my experience and empowering students through learning but I am not sure that it is enough. I am not sure I am good enough. I am not sure this is the path for me. The politics of midwifery in Australia is in a dreadful state and the politics within the university setting seems even worse.
I know I have plenty on my plate at the moment. Not only am I trying to finish off the modules for Griffith, I have also started a research assistant post with Professor of medicine and Dean of the medical school. This means I will be involved with a couple of research projects as well as my own over the next year. This will give me a number of published papers in the not too distant future.
So I am slightly drifting at the moment without a clear direction or map of where I am heading. I have a feeling that I may face some rough seas and for now I may need to see where things take me.
2 comments:
I really think you must take it a day at a time. I was feeling a bit like you 2 years ago but everything has fallen into place for me.
I know you are good enough to be a tutor but maybe that is not your karma...maybe research is what you're meant to do. Just hang loose with what you are doing...everything will pan out and you will end up where you are meant to be :)
Thanks Sarah,
that is really what i have decided to do
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